Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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