I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
