yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
