You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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