before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
