My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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