and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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