if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
