I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
