my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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