I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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