My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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