Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
