We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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