ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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