Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
