Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I could make wine with my vomit
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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