Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
