They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
