Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
