mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
