Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
