My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
