They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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