So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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