Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
