So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
