Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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