Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
