a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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