Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
