Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
