Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hippo gnu deer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
