So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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