So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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