god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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