Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
