Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
