Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
