What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need moral support for this bender
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
