Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
