Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
