First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
