Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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