well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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