the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
