the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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