no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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