We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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