my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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