yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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