I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
