Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
