Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
