Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
