I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
