i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
