apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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