Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
