The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
