you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
