do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
