Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
