Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
