3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would fuck him just for his dog
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
