how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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