a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
