how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
