She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
