So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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