Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
