omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
